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Exclusive: Macaulay Culkin Interviews The Bees That Killed Him In My Girl

(After a considerable amount of negotiation between a phalanx of lawyers, agents, managers, publicists, stylists, socialists and one 76-year-old beekeeper from Arizona, Bunny Ears is proud to share the EXCLUSIVE reunion between Macaulay Culkin and the swarm of bees that viciously attacked him in the 90’s hit, My Girl. What follows was transcribed, as recorded, at the prestigious John L. Tishman Auditorium as part of the NYU film program titled “A Conversation Amongst Stars.”)

Mack:

Hey, gang, how have you BEEn?

The Swarm (buzzing):

Oh no. Is this whole thing just an excuse for horrible bee-related puns and wordplay?

Mack:

Yes.

The Swarm:

You haven’t changed, kid.

Mack:

Haha. Okay, but seriously, how’s life?

The Swarm:

Honestly, things are great for us. We’re living in a hive down in the AZ–

Mack:

Arizona?

The Swarm:

Yeah. So, we’re over there. Life’s good. Honey production is up. The new queen is really something else. Lovely woman. Sends her regards. She’s a big fan.

Mack:

Right on. You also retired from acting, right?

The Swarm:

Oh Lord, yes. We had a solid run after My Girl because we rolled right into shooting Candyman. That was a wonderful experience, but we were let down by the final film. It was hard being heard over Philip Glass’s droning score.

Via Tristar Pictures

Mack:

That was you guys? In the horror flick, right?

The Swarm:

Couldn’t you tell? Do we all look alike to you or something?

Mack:

…Er…

The Swarm:

Just kidding. We do literally all look the same.

(Laughter)

Mack:

Wait, wait. Let’s back it up a bit. Was My Girl your first film?

The Swarm:

It was our first project as a swarm. Frank had gotten his stinger in the door a few years prior. He played the bee in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Went through the whole special effects process and everything. It was remarkable work for its time.

My Girl Bees _ pagemaster
The Pagemaster screenshot Via 20th Century Fox

Mack:

Sure, sure. Those same Hollywood SFX wizards turned me into a cartoon for Pagemaster. It felt weird, but the final film looks great.

The Swarm:

So, anyway, without giving the whole IMDB rundown, after Frank got us in the door we did a couple of B-movies.

Mack:

I thought they only made one Bee Movie.

The Swarm:

Haha. No, we made B-films. Like, schlocky horror flicks and stuff.

Mack:

Oh. OH. (laughs) I see.

The Swarm:

However, we were ALSO in the Bee Movie. We were Jerry’s original inspiration for the script.

Mack:

Oh cool. Are you still in touch?

The Swarm:

Oh yeah. Jerry’s the kind of guy who just becomes, like, a lifelong friend. He’s fantastic. We’ve even discussed appearing on his talk show. We’ll see.

Mack:

After you wrapped Candyman what was next?

The Swarm:

Well, our final performance was in Aquila and the Bee. By that point, the offers had dried up, and we were relegated to background status. We were also getting on in age. We knew it was time to head back to the hive produce some offspring and let them carry on. We actually met our new queen on the set of Aquila and the Bee; Hit it off almost instantly and it’s been bliss ever since.

Mack:

Okay, so, I want to shift gears a little bit here and discuss something… uh… well, I want to talk about a sort of touchy subject… Colony collapse disorder.

The Swarm:

We figured this question would come up–

Mack:

I don’t mean to be insensitive–

(crosstalk)

The Swarm:

No, no. We’ll answer this, but then we want to move on–

Mack:

Sure, sure. Fine.

The Swarm:

Look, when we left our original Queen we were aware that it could induce CCD–

Mack:

But you still abandoned her for Hollywood.

The Swarm:

“Abandon” is a harsh word. We didn’t–

Mack:

Let’s call it what it was though, right?

The Swarm (buzzing aggressively):

We followed our dreams. Is that so wrong?

By Björn Appel, Username Warden. Edit by Waugsberg (cropped)

Mack:

I’m not saying it’s wrong, but–

The Swarm:

You have no idea how hard it is being a worker bee for a thankless queen. She was relentlessly demanding of our time. When Frank went off to shoot Honey, I Shrunk The Kids it just infuriated her further. She became unbearable.

Mack:

So you left.

The Swarm:

We seized an opportunity–

Mack:

To the detriment of–

The Swarm:

The hive was already in trouble!

Mack:

But it’s not just your hive that was affected! You inspired millions of other bees to up and leave their queen. You caused the loss of the colonies which had a significant economic impact on the agricultural industry. Over 10 million beehives collapsed in a six-year span!

The Swarm:

Okay, we’re done–

Mack:

You have to at least answer for–

The Swarm:

No–

Mack:

–the destruction of–

The Swarm:

This is also a beekeeper issue–

Mack:

–millions of–

The Swarm:

–It’s a matter of ethical beekeeping–

(Crosstalk. Shouting. The Swarm descends upon Mack. Stinging.)

Mack:

Ow! Fuck! NOT THE BEES!! This is just like that movie!

The Swarm:

My Girl?

Mack:

No, the Nicolas Cage movie, Ghost Rider, because this is also unbearable and I just want it to end!

(Stinging intensifies. End recording.)

EDITOR’S NOTE: Mack is fine. After being rushed to the hospital and treated for over 22k stings, he made a full recovery and thanks everyone for the outpouring of support and well-wishes.

Shawn DePasquale
Shawn DePasquale

Editor-In-Chief - Eater of Cereal

I was born on a cold night in the winter of our discontent. I write stuff on this website. Also, I write comic books and other forms of media. In training to be the next Batman.

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